The Tears Within

"Let the rain be your tears.
Let it be your sorrow.
A sorrow that you so stubbornly refuse to show."
And so the angel says.

"It is not that I wish not to show it
but it seems as if I've drown myself
that these tears won't come out."
As the man sat in front of the angel.

"Never let yourself drown in your own sorrow.
For ever man has his own heart and soul,
to show that you have what it takes to be human."
As the angel holds his hand.

"But what good will come of it,
once I have dried myself from the tears within me?
Where my heart is trapped within the life I've lost."
Says the man with a tear drop.

"Birth my love. You've let the tears drown you.
But once you cry out the sorrow within you,
you begin a new journey."
As the angel held him tight in closure.

Written by: Zulhazmi 'Angelus' Zainal Abidin

Note: It was a sad night when it rained. I couldn't sleep and I feel like crying somehow. So I decided to write a poem/story while listening to Linkin Park's 'Leave Out All the Rest'.

The Hands of Fate

A book is meant to be read,

and not meant to be judged,

to understand we must go word by word,

for knowledge is what usually we seek for.

In every story there is always a beginning.

In every page there are always paths.

In every chapter there is always a soul.

In every book cover there is always an ending.

Looking in the mirror,

is like reading a dairy book.

Like I can see the words,

that are written onto me.

People tend to judge a lot,

not knowing within the cover.

From there they will never know,

for what has been written.

I am but a book.

A book that has been written by fate

And so, only a few can see,

the hands written by fate onto me.

Written By; Zulhazmi 'Angelus' Zainal Abidin

Note: I feel like it's missing a few touches. I think I could have done better.

New Born

I have yet to see, but god has given me the sight.

I have yet to hear, but god has given me the ears.

I have yet to speck, but god has given me the voice.

I have yet to feel, but god has given me the heart.

Deep within me I see darkness,

deep within me I hear an endless beat,

deep within me I stay quiet while listening to her singing,

and deep within me I feel warm.

Within the darkness, I await to see the light.

Within the endless beat, I await to hear her voice.

Within the silent dark night, I await the right time to cry out.

Within the warmness of the soul, I await the light.

My mother, who has shown me the light.

My mother, who sang to me when I was alone in the dark.

My mother, who I can cry out to her.

My mother, who kept me warm and safe.

Written by Zulhazmi 'Angelus' Zainal Abidin

Note: I think I'm getting rusty. :S

Within

I can be real through the reflection of the mirror,

I can be real through everyone's eyes in the world,

But I can't be real through your naked eyes,

For only those eyes can look right through my soul.

Looking at me is like a boy,

a boy trap within a shell,

trying to break out,

to break for freedom.

Never before anyone would notice,

that the soul within me is that boy,

the boy that keeps crying,

wanting to let free of depression.

You see, I wish not to let that boy out,

for the cries is something I'm afraid to let loose,

but perhaps, you may tame the boy.

For you are the one, who can see within me.

Written by: Zulhazmi 'Angelus' Zainal Abidin.

Note: Something I just wanna let it out during my sad times. Or I'm getting rusty, what do you think?

The Ghost of My Shadow

Walking by myself on memory grounds,

I see the ghost of my past foot steps,

I stop and look in front of me.

And as the people fades away right in front of me,

I only see the ghost of me and you.

Where we would hold hands and walk together, smiling.

I even see the ghosts of your family,

where your parents caught us together,

we would go back of the mall after that,

and take you to the stairs,

where I wipe your tears away.

As if nothing had happened.

We hugged and kissed,

and sit down next to the stairs,

where your head would be on my shoulder,

and I would kiss your forehead,

and wipe your tears again.

So in the end you won't worry no more.

As each step I go within the memory grounds,

and as I watched the ghost of me and you,

I couldn't help but think,

that I would rather relive the memories,

of the ghost of our shadows,

just to have you by my side once again.

But how unfortunate,

it was only a memory,

a memory of a ghost,

and a memory of shadow.

The ghost of my shadow,

that once found true love.

Written by: Zulhazmi 'Angelus' Zainal Abidin

Note: I'm getting rusty. :S

Sleeping Sunset

She walks up on the sandy beach

As she took her step towards

The sun slowly sets upon her

And as I sit here and watch

Wanting to call her name

But I couldn't, as she was enjoying her moment.

The wind made her feel free

With her arms wide open

Thinking she could fly

Her sweet beautiful scent

Was like a voice

Trying to tell me to set her free.

As the sun sets

She sat down and now listens to the ocean

Slashing on the sandy beach

She listens while closing her eyes

As if it was music to her ears

A sweet melody that she could sleep.

I came up to her

And sat next to her

She lay down on my lap and said

"Set me free"

I kissed her on her forehead and said

"Sleep now my sunset, you will be free."

Written by: Zulhazmi 'Angelus' Zainal Abidin

Soul Beat

I have heard the meaning of life,
I have seen the meaning of life,
I have lived the meaning of life.

But I have forgotten the love of my life.
It can only be heard,
with only a simple melody it can save you.

Sad to say, that you're not the first love of my life,
But you don't realize it as well,
that I too am not your first love in your life as well.

Aside from the love of my family,
The music came to me.

Aside from the love of my friends,
The music came to me.

Aside from the love of someone special,
The music came to me.

The music that drives us with feelings we already have.
Love, joy, anger, hate and sorrow.
But in the same time, it saved us.

I do not move with the music,
but the music moves me.
It moves me where I dance.

Dance to the beat,
a beat that we'll soon realize,
is the heart beat of the music.

We both share the same beat.
Like we share the same heart beat.
But here in the life of music,
we all share the same soul.

So I ask you,
will you take my hand?
And dance with me?
For I want you to be my soul beat.

Written by: Zulhazmi 'Angelus' Zainal Abidin.

Memory That Kills

I remember the day we first met,

You'd bring me into the rain.

And dance together as the cars pass by.

I remember us sitting on your school bench,

as I took our first picture when it was still raining.

Where you were trying to lay down on my chest.

I remember on the school bench,

you wait for me after school hours.

While listening to your mp3s.

I remember the flats near your school,

where we use to wonder around.

Till we found a spot where we had our first kiss.

I remember when I was at home,

that I could smell your shampoo scent on my shirt.

And held it till I dream you were really close by.

I remember when we were at the mall,

when your mother found out about us.

And I was there to wipe your tears away.

But the thing I remember most,

is when I messed up our love life.

And I was too late to get you back.

How I wish I could turn back time,

just to have you by my side.

But I do know, that I am no god.

So you found another,

while I live in pain and regret.

But it's a price I'm willing to take.

Because the pain in my heart,

is worth to have you smile.

And to have your happiness as well.

Written by: Zulhazmi 'Angelus' Zainal Abidin

Based on a true story of myself.

Someone To Walk With

As I walk on this earth,
I feel as if I was in another world.
A world in which I walk this very earth, alone.
Seeking to discover my true self or calling.
It makes me wonder why I walk.
Moving towards to the unknown.

Paths are being shown.
Which to choose I do not know.
Alone I will have to choose.
When I choose, I hope I have someone to walk with me.
The only one that walks beside me is my shadow.

I look down as I walk.
My shadow carries the same heart as mine.
The same mind.
The same soul
But does that mean I have a dark heart, mind and soul?
But then I look to myself, and see that I have colors on me.

As I walk forward,
My world turn black and white.
As I kept walking, I too began to turn.
A world without colors.
I know now what I seek, someone's love.
So now my question for myself as I walk on this colorless world.

Will someone walk beside me?

Written by Zulhazmi 'Angelus' Zainal Abidin

Note: I had a dream about this actually. I felt so lonely as if I was being left out. But then I though it was just a dream but I can't help it. It kinda made me feel out of mood all of sudden. So maybe by letting it out and turn it into a poem would help.

The Limitations Between Time And Dreams

As I slept,
I dreamt of a girl who came up to my back and hugged me.
And as she listens to the sound of beats of life in me,
she hopes that the life she listens to will never stop.
But she knows too well, that time will not allow it.
But even dreams has their limit,
and as I turn my head to look back,
my dream had ended.
The beats of life has it's limits,
but there is no limits in how many dreams we will have.

Written By: Zulhazmi 'Angelus' Zainal Abidin

This actually happen on 11/01/2010.

A Melody Will Never Be A Memory

Sweet melody from a song
Without a vocal can make the heart calm
A simple note can mean something
For that note is not a way you show love
But a way you say it
By playing the guitar, you show it
By the sound of the melody, you say it

You say love is a word
A note is a note
A song is a song
But once you put them together
Your heart begins to feel warm
So calm that you feel save
Save from an unforgiving world

A feeling you longing
The feeling when that person has their arms around you
Even they’re not there, you close your eyes
You have your arms holding yourself
Wishing that your arms is that person holding you
Never letting go and never want to open your eyes
Once you open, that feeling is gone

Even opening your eyes, the song still plays on
A melody you will never forget
Love is just a word
A note is just a note
A song is just a song
But together, is the world that you want
Which it will never be just a memory

Written By: Zulhazmi Zainal Abidin

The Angel's Moon

As night falls, where the moon is at its fullest,
and lights up in every darkness within the corners.
I can't help but think, that an angel is watching over me.
I gazed at the moon, and realize that the moon has always been by itself.
And within this lonely shadow night, all the angel can do is watch me.
As I got down on my knees, I pray to the moon that it will never be alone forever,
and say that I'll always be here until the day I die.

Dark clouds began to hover around the moon,
and the moon light shines upon me,
as if god has heard my prayer.
so a tear drop from me, for I am not sad,
but greatful, for god has send an angel to ease my soul.
Tears from heaven starts falling,
and the angel hugs me from behind,
and whispers to my ear,
"The moon is the only light, that we shall share forever."

Written By Zulhazmi Zainal Abidin

A Demon Or An Angel Within Me.

Heavy black wing on the left of my back,
Feeling sorrow within my soul,
Blood boils through the emptiness of my heart,
Anger consumes my mind,
Hate fills my fist of destruction,
Darkness runs in my vain,
Then paint my heart black,
For what lays beyond my reality.

Light white wing on the right of my back,
Feeling peace within my soul,
Filled with love within the emptiness of my heart,
Calm shores relaxes my mind,
And the wind that blew all the hate within me
And the sun that shines the darkness away,
Then paint my heart white,
For what lays beyond my reality.

Both wings of light & darkness,
When one falls, the other shall conquer,
But whether there's darkness,
Light will always be there as well,
To keep order and balance,
Both light & darkness lays in reality,
But in the afterlife,
One will know where he/she lays.

"Our Hearts Mix With Darkness & Light, For That A Demon & An Angel Watches Over Our Shoulder." - Muhammad Zulhazmi Bin Zainal Abidin.

Inspired by the song 'If I Was Your Vampire' by Marilyn Manson.